A Bad Judge of Character

For those of you who are interested, the dating site thing didn’t exactly work out as I imagined (not helped by the fact that since I joined there’s been non-stop news reports about the dangers of internet dating – and now I can see why!) I can’t believe the amount of men that join these sites who are married/involved and looking for ‘extra curricula activities’! I bypassed those, (once I’d sussed out the language they all unwittingly use.)

I’m obviously a bad judge of character: I spoke on the phone to one guy twice. He was quite a lot older than me (which I had reservations about) and he was genuinely single (you’ll see why in a second). In writing he seemed both nice and normal, which was why I swapped numbers with him despite the age difference. He spoke with a slight lisp and in both conversations he brought up that he ‘suffered from surges’. As our entire first conversation had revolved around his ailments (oh, the glamour!), I thought it was possibly a euphemism for prostate troubles, so I let it pass. But when he repeated it during the second conversation a couple of days later (when I intended to let him down gently), he qualified it by saying that so far nobody had been prepared to satisfy him.

I was a bit intrigued as I had no clue what he was talking about. I mean, was this guy looking for a carer? I had visions of him expecting me to help him to the loo until he added that ‘it was all still in working order’ and it dawned on me that he hadn’t said surges, he’d said urges

Well, I did tell you you’d see why he was genuinely single.

I removed my profile.

If you’ve found yourself single at a certain age, how have you dealt with trying to meet new people? I’m not necessarily talking about for dating, just to make new friends and try to rebuild your social life? Do let me know before I stagnate!

Love, romance and… oh, who am I kidding?

penguins-157418_640

penguins-157418_640

A couple of weeks ago I joined an online dating site for the following reasons:

(1) Having been a single parent for more years than I  care to think about, my daughter keeps telling me I need to get a life. Actually, she more kind of mutters it under her breath after I’ve asked her to do something around the house, but I choose to think she means it nicely and she does have a point.

(2) I keep hearing stories of how ‘so and so met that way and they’re happily married now’, and;

(3) If the actual dating doesn’t work out, I have had this idea for a book…

So I took a deep breath and completed my profile (honestly – no point in doing it otherwise and you never know, Mr Right may be on there somewhere) and was instantly inundated with messages from blokes who, I can only presume, hang around on there all day and night in the hope of getting lucky. The messages I received varied from ‘hi’, to ‘here’s my number, ring me’, to ‘let’s meet up tonight’, none of which left an opening for an actual, proper, conversation (and no, I’m not giving out my number willy-nilly to anyone or just hopping in the car and popping off to meet a random stranger!)

So today I changed the blurb from all the clichéd stuff that I’d originally put on in the hope of meeting someone normal (which blatantly wasn’t going to happen) to this:

“Hi, is there anyone out there willing to throw their lot in with a skint, post-menopausal mother of two? As a special offer I come complete with one child still at home, hot flushes, a body that’s fast heading south, cellulite, a tendency to snap your head off if you say something stupid (and then cry about it afterwards) and a pathological desire to hold a pillow over your head if you snore loudly enough for me to hear you through the walls (as the night time hot flushes will ensure you’re happily ensconced in the spare room.)

What keeps me happy? Beach walks (until we’ve gone too far and my legs ache, at which point you will be expected to carry me to the nearest pub and ply me with restorative wine), logs on a fire (that you have built and tended and, obviously, are willing to muck out the following morning without making a huge mess of it), meals out (tell me again; what’s an oven for?), solvency (yours – mine’s up a creek without a paddle), and a dog. A Pyrenean Mountain dog please. Or a black Labrador.

Oh, and you may need a sense of humour as life’s too short to sweat the small stuff.”

I wonder if anybody will reply…

Release Day!

FB Ad 1

It’s here! Release Day! I’ve had my first review and it’s rather lovely (check it out here: https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/30699304-nan-nose-best ) so I’m happy!

Releasing a new book is always more than a bit frightening – will people like it?

Make your own mind up, as it’s available in a multitude of places:

USA: https://www.amazon.com/Nose-Best-Jade-Greene-Book-ebook/dp/B01GBTCT66

UK: https://www.amazon.co.uk/Nose-Best-Jade-Greene-Book-ebook/dp/B01GBTCT66

Kobo: https://store.kobobooks.com/en-us/ebook/nan-nose-best

Barnes & Noble: http://www.barnesandnoble.com/w/nan-nose-best-jill-turner/1123909827

I hope you enjoy it!

‘Til next time,

Jill

 

 

Paperback Writer!

Paperback photo I had a package arrive today! Ta da! Yes, you’ve guessed it (!) – the paperback proof editions of Nan Nose Best came and I am so pleased with them!

Release day for the book is 25th June and will be available in a variety of places which I’ll list on here on the day.

Here’s the blurb:  “14-year-old Jade Greene lives on a run down council estate with her workshy, thieving Dad, workaholic Mum and diabetic sister, Chrissie. Oh, and her Nan may as well live there too, seeing that she is never in the old people’s paradise of a flat she has around the corner.

When Gloria Greene writes an innocent post on her granddaughter’s social media page, no-one expects the attention it attracts, least of all Jade.

Enter a billionaire, a famous football team, a TV crew and a best friend (who isn’t very friendly).

Mix it up with first love, old love and the patter of tiny feet and Jade just has to hope that it’s true that Nan Nose Best.”

If you’d like to pre-order a copy from Amazon (for your kindle), then please follow one of these links:

UK:  https://www.amazon.co.uk/Nose-Best-Jade-Greene-Book-ebook/dp/B01GBTCT66

USA: https://www.amazon.co.uk/Nose-Best-Jade-Greene-Book-ebook/dp/B01GBTCT66

I’ll post where you can get your hands on the paperback version on the 25th, too.

I hope you love it as much as I loved writing it. Let me know what you think!

Jill

The good, the bad and the downright ugly!

Hello from the heart of England where it is either way too hot or piddling down!

I hope you are all finding time to relax in the heat? Perhaps with a good book to read? Which reminds me: Nan Nose Best is up for release on 25th June and here’s a sneaky cover reveal for you:

NNB Paperback Kindle

Let me know what you think and you can pre-order it here: https://www.amazon.co.uk/Nose-Best-Jade-Greene-Book-ebook/dp/B01GBTCT66

^That was the good!^ Now for the bad:

Aside from writing, I am now considering a total career change – I’m a bit fed up with promises made by companies that don’t live up to reality. Let me explain: part of my role is to go out and observe students at work to assess their ability. I live in Essex, which is quite a large area to cover. I am willing to travel around Essex and cover most of Suffolk. What I am not prepared to do is travel around the M25 (that’s London bound for those of you who don’t know) simply because the road is an absolute nightmare – horrendous traffic (it’s more like a car park than a motorway) and toll fees – and it takes me an hour to get to it.

I’ve recently been taken on to do a work from home role, covering the Essex area. The role states that I visit students one day a week and deliver lessons the rest of the time (via Skype), and it is to be my choice which day I do my visits. The key words here are ‘Essex’ and ‘my choice’.

At interview I was straight in my requirements – I would not have considered the job unless it was going to work for me as well as for the company – why waste everybody’s time? I was guaranteed that I would work in Essex and that I would be free to choose my ‘visit’ days.

So why, less than one week into the role, have I been told that a) I have to cover Kent, and b) the day I am required to do it? Aside from the fact that Kent is only accessible to me via the M25 and the Dartford crossing, the day they have told me I have to go is my daughter’s birthday, and as I am expecting deliveries for her I need to be home to take them in. Not only that, but there is an extreme likelihood that if I go I won’t be back in time for her to get out of school – meaning I can’t get the banners up, or sort out balloons and other bits and pieces I like to do on her special day. And no, the company doesn’t care about any of that – I’ve been told I have to do it as, get this, they don’t have many students in Essex yet…

Sadly, this happens more often than not in the world of adult education – you go for an interview, are promised the terms of employment you need, and then it changes: 25 mile driving radius? In your dreams!  Straight case load of 36 students? Ha, ha, ha – try 50 or 55 (and, recently, 133 – no kidding!) and how can anyone do their job properly? Ask any apprentice how many tutors they’ve had, and I bet you it’s at least two, (if not more) and this is why. Stress levels skyrocket in this role.

Why do companies do this? I know that if this company had told me that they would be sending me outside of Essex I would have said thank you, but no thank you, and stayed in my old role. So now what the hell do I do? I am employed in a role that is not what I signed up for, but I need the income. I am also not prepared to let my child down on her one special day a year.

Talk about being caught between a rock and a hard place😦

(^And that was the ugly!^)

Advance Readers Required

nan nose best ad Hi guys!

I’m looking for 100 people who would like to receive a free copy of Nan Nose Best which is due for release on 25th June 2016. To be in with a chance to read this rip-roaring story before anyone else, simply complete the mini form below:

In return, all I ask is that you leave me an honest review of the book on Amazon on the release date of 25th June 2016. The link to do this will be given when you receive the story.

So what’s it about? 

‘Jade Greene is a 14-year-old girl who lives in a run-down council house on a sink estate with her workshy, thieving father, workaholic mother, diabetic sister and a Nan who is never in her own home in the old people’s paradise around the corner.

All Jade wants is a lock for her first ever diary to stop the bane of her life, (Chrissie, her sister,) from writing in it before she gets the chance. She only expects to be writing about mundane things like school and the latest argument between her parents, but an unfortunate incident involving the school’s smelliest boy and an elevator sparks off a chain of events that Jade could never have foreseen.

Her Nan, who regularly embarrasses her granddaughter on social media, gets wind of what has happened and writes an innocently meant post that immediately goes viral and changes the lives of more than one family.

Mix in an advertising campaign that is a surprise hit, a famous football team and the team’s billionaire manager and Jade’s life will never be the same again!’

 

Power and how it can go to the head (of idiots)

anger Why is it that some people who hold a position of ‘power’ (by that I mean managerial rather than super) let it go to their heads?

A friend of mine, I’ll call her Caron, works for a man I’ll call xTwatfacex Bob. He is a stereotypical zero man-management skills manager. (If you’ve ever seen ‘The Office’, think David Brent and multiply his lack of personal skills by roughly one hundred.) His views are outdated, outmoded and out of order – and he inflicts them willy-nilly on all the women who work for him. He has offended possibly every race, age and sexuality, all under the guise of it being ‘just a joke’, but the jokes are never funny and always make someone feel awkward. Caron told me that someone called him out on something particular that he said one day and he asked if it was that lady’s time of the month and nearly killed himself laughing at his shwit. Ha ha. Very bloody funny. Never heard that one before…

So how does someone with so little respect for women get away with behaviour like this? He’s married (I’d lay odds that his wife wears the trousers at home) so he should know that speaking to anyone like that will neither make him popular or make them want to do their best for him. One member of staff is now on long term sick leave – stress related; two others have walked out. None of them have reported his behaviour which means he gets away with it.

Recently Caron has been on the receiving end of his ‘humour’. After one particularly personal comment, she finally flipped and told him he was being offensive. He made his usual bluster of how it was just a joke but Caron stuck to her principles and repeated that it was offensive and he should stop. Late in the evening, (probably scared that she’d report him) he rang to apologise. Caron, being Caron, accepted it with good grace and told him to forget it.

He didn’t. Since then he has systematically rubbished her work: clients have been withdrawn from the database under her apparent say so, client appointments booked on her online calendar have mysteriously disappeared. Whilst others have access to the database, he is the only other person who has access to her calendar, so the only conclusion she can come to is that this man is now sabotaging her.

Bob’s emails to Caron (she’s forwarded them to herself for backup) appear to have been written by a teenage boy not in control of his emotions. He orders her about and ends them not with a signature, but with a ‘Clear?’ They made me feel sick when she showed them to me. Nobody, I repeat, nobody, should treat others like that.

So why is he doing this? Because she stood up to him? Are these the actions of a man, because I don’t think he can call himself one? A real man celebrates the difference between himself and women. He accepts that sometimes men and women see things differently, but that each sex is equal to the other and each have the right to be spoken to in a decent and respectful manner especially in the workplace. Bob is not a man – he is a relic.

Caron’s just quit her job – but before she went, she coolly, calmly and factually forwarded Bob’s emails to his boss. I wonder how funny he’ll find that?